Top 10 Things Overheard In Santa’s Toyshop

Christmas is fast approaching and it’s time we roll out the ol’ holiday Top 10s.

Here’s the craziest stuff that can be overheard in Santa’s toyshop. Are you ready?


“I’ll build toys for the fat bastard, but shaving his back hair is where I draw the line.”


“Santa, we already make dolls that talk, walk, wet, cry, whatever… now you want one blows cigar smoke out of its *what*??”


“Please, Mrs. Claus, those batteries are for the children’s toys!!”


“Hey, *you* try building a Playstation with nothing but antique Victorian woodcarving tools, chubbo!!”


“I don’t care who the hell he is — the old geezer pulls that ‘checking it twice’ thing again, I’m suing for sexual harassment!”


“Alright, which of you smartasses put the weed in the EZ Bake Oven brownie mix?!”


“OK, The Big Guy says no female elves on the Washington run this year — it’s a height thing.”


“Even if you did see it in the Times, we don’t make a ‘Poke Your Eye Out Stick.'”


“Furby, schmurby — Just paint the Tickle-Me-Elmos and the little brats will never know the difference.”

and the Number 1 Thing Overheard In Santa’s Toyshop…

“…so then I showed Mrs. Claus why they call me the Head Elf.”

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