Top 10 New Slogans for the US Army

#10

Undefeated since 1975!

#9

Be All That You Can Be — Unless You’re Gay, In Which Case Be About Six Inches Less Outgoing Than You Can Be

#8

Except for the large bleeding wounds, it’s just like paintball.

#7

  • One armored tank: $2.8 million
  • One loaded machine gun: $625,000
  • One Army standard toilet plunger: $1,000
  • Cleaning the urinal with a toothbrush because there was a small scuff on your shoe: priceless.

#6

Be there when we take out Canada!

#5

Hey, we had cargo pants long before Old Navy.

#4

  • Open fire in your high school — Media outrage and possible jail time.
  • Open fire in the Army — Chest full o’ medals, baby!

#3

The US Army: Who needs those Community College snobs, anyway?

#2

At least the Village People never wrote a song about *us*.New Slogan for the US Army…

#1

Come play with our privates!

BONUS!

  • The General’s not the only one who gets a Hummer, baby!
  • Is your Southern Baptist upbringing lacking discipline, rigor and mindless rules?
  • Gruel: It’s what’s for breakfast

 

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